Back-to-school anxiety in children is common, usually temporary and, with the right approach from parents, manageable, but clinical psychologist Rachel Busman, Psy.D., ABPP, is clear that the goal is not to make the fear disappear. It is to help children move through it.
Busman, who serves as Senior Director of the Child & Adolescent Anxiety and Related Disorders Programme at Cognitive and Behavioral Consultants (CBC), works with children, teenagers and young adults experiencing anxiety disorders and related mental health difficulties. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), her clinical work is grounded in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based treatments, a background that shapes the practical, low-drama advice she offers parents facing the annual September crunch.
Why back-to-school anxiety in children often starts with parents
Before focusing on a child’s nerves, Busman says parents should examine their own. The pressure of reinstating routines after summer, sorting new schedules and bracing for homework season adds up, and children pick up on it. ‘I think there’s a contagion effect that we have to be careful of,’ she says.
If a parent walks their child to school already steeling themselves for a difficult drop-off, the child will feel that tension. Keeping parental stress manageable in those first few weeks is less about self-care and more about not loading extra weight onto what a child is already carrying.
Back-to-school anxiety in children tends to surface most sharply around transitions: a new school, the move to secondary, or a close friend suddenly placed in a different class. Most cases fade on their own, but parental responses in those first weeks either ease the process or extend it.
Listening first, fixing second
When a child says they are worried about a new teacher or anxious about lunch without their best friend, the instinct to reassure (‘Nothing to worry about, you’ll be fine!’) is understandable, but Busman says it shuts the conversation down without addressing the feeling underneath. A response like ‘that sounds hard, I get it’ lands better. After that, parents can offer to help think through how to handle it, but only if the child wants that. Sometimes, she notes, children simply want to say something out loud and have someone hear it.
One specific caution: asking ‘Are you worried about maths this year?’ plants an idea rather than checking in. Busman says children often open up more when there is no pressure to turn the exchange into a formal conversation.
Building familiarity before the first day
For children who are likely to struggle on day one, preparation helps. Walking through the school before term starts (classroom, toilets, cafeteria, playground) reduces the strangeness. Even a low-stakes visit to drop off a form or ask a question at the school office adds another round of exposure. Busman calls the approach ‘coping ahead’: enough familiarity built in advance so that the first real day does not feel quite so first-real-day.
A brief, quiet meeting with the class teacher before term begins can also shift how a child experiences walking through the door on the first morning. If a difficult drop-off is expected, parents should ask in advance whether an aide, school psychologist, or class buddy can be ready to meet the child and channel them straight into an activity. Most children want to be useful. Giving them a small task (carrying something, sorting materials) gives their attention somewhere to go and gets them through the hardest part of the morning faster than reassurance alone.
When the body signals anxiety
Headaches and stomachaches before school are common and, Busman stresses, they are real, not invented. Anxiety lives in the body. Parents should have a child checked by a paediatrician, resources from the American Academy of Pediatrics can help families understand what to look for, but if symptoms appear consistently on school mornings and disappear once school is off the table, anxiety is the more likely explanation than illness.
The advice in that situation is to keep sending the child anyway. When children are allowed to stay home each time they feel unwell before school, the avoidance reinforces itself. The fear grows because nothing happened to disprove it. When a child does get through the door, specific praise helps: ‘Great job coming in today’ carries more weight than a general ‘good job.’
When it goes beyond seasonal nerves
Some children resist school in ways that go past the usual first-week jitters: persistent refusal, escalating distress, complaints that continue regardless of what parents try. Undiagnosed learning difficulties, bullying, OCD, or separation anxiety that extends well beyond the morning drop-off can all present this way.
When back-to-school anxiety in children becomes prolonged and starts to affect their ability to function, Busman recommends seeking an evaluation rather than waiting it out. ‘The longer a child misses school, the harder it is to get back in the routine,’ she says, ‘because being absent reinforces the anxiety that is keeping them away.’ Earlier support, she adds, tends to mean more options.
